Lilylocks and the Three Marauders
by Andrilena
Summary: A silly little story about Lily'locks' and, well... the three Marauders ^_^
1. Butterbeers!

_Disclaimer:_ Nope, I don't own any of the charries in this parody.. thing. Well, except my Narrator ^_^ But Lily'locks' and the Marauders belong to J.K. Rowling. Oh, and the Shrieking Shack and Hogsmeade belongs to her too.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
_Lilylocks and the Three Marauders_   
  
**Narrator Person:** Ahem, hello there! My name is... Mister Narrator Person! Ahaha.. yes, that's funny isn't it? Well, in case you were wondering a bit about me.. Oh, of course you want to know! Right, well, I am 32-years-old, a man of course, and was born in Arizona. Yes, it is a lovely state indeed, and the Grand Canyon is simply marvelous! Anyhow, I enjoy romantic dinners and long walks on the beach... Oh, and ping-pong! I can play ping-pong! And I'm also pretty good at lawn docks, though croquet is my spec-   
  
**Me:** *coughs* Ahem! Mister Narrator Person.. no one cares about your life! Now tell the story, or I'll... fire you! Bwaahhahahaaa!!!   
  
**Narrator Person:** Eep! Okay okay, sorry! Jeesh! *clears throat* Ahem, right, on with the story. Okay, once upon a time, there was a red-haired girl named Lilylocks. A witch, in fact. She was visiting the town of Hogsmeade for the first time, and had decided to explore a bit. She soon approached the Shrieking Shack when an idea struck her...   
  
**Lilylocks:** Hmm.. I'm not sure why, but I think I'll go inside that spooky-looking house!   
  
**Narrator Person:** So the stupid gir- Erm, I mean, Lilylocks goes into the Shrieking Shack. And once inside.. she is surprised at what she finds.   
  
**Lilylocks**: Ooooohhh.. Butterbeers! Goody, I sure am thirsty! *bounces over to the table with the three butterbears on it* Hmmm.. I think I'll drink this one first! *lifts the tankard and begins drinking* *stops suddenly and spits the butterbeer out* Ewwww.. it's too cold! Gross, there are even ice cubes in it!   
  
**Narrator Person:** So, after replacing the tankard of too cold butterbeer back onto the table, Lilylocks moves onto the next one, thinking that surely that one would taste fine.   
  
**Lilylocks:** Surely this one will taste fine! *lifts the tankard and takes a drink, but spits it right back out* Ewww.. this is much too old! There's even some mold in it! Yuck.   
  
**Narrator Person:** And so, with some reluctance, Lilylocks move onto the next tankard. Would this butterbeer contain ice cubes or mold? Or would it be all right? *pauses* Well how should I know? I've only been given half a script! *holds up half of a book* See?   
  
**Lilylocks:** *frowns at the narrator person, then clears her throat* Ahem.. I sure do hope _this_ butterbeer tastes all right, at least. *picking up the tankard, she slowly sips it* Oh! Why.. it's delicious! It isn't too cold and filled with ice cubes, nor too old and filled with mold! It's juuuust right! *giggling, she hurriedly drinks the rest*   
  
**Narrator Person:** After drinking so much butterbeer, Lilylocks began to feel tired, so she decided to go look for a place to rest.   
  
**Lilylocks:** *hums to herself cheerfully while looking around*   
  
**Narrator Person:** *frowns**clears throat* AHEM.. I said.. Lilylocks was beginning to feel _sleepy_ and decided to go and look for a place to _rest_...   
  
**Lilylocks:** Opps, sorry.. Ahem.. *forces a yawn* Boy, am I getting sleepy from drinking all that butterbeer! I think I'll go look for a place to rest!   
  
_So, Lilylocks heads to the old, creaking stairs in the spooky house. Slowly climbing up them, she reaches the top floor, coming to three closed doors. Shrugging her shoulders, she walks towards one door and opens it, stepping inside._   
  
**Lilylocks:** Ahhhh!!!   
  
_She couldn't believe her eyes. This room was complete disaster! The walls were covered in scratches, animal carcases were strewn about, and the bed was hardly sleepable, not even looking like a bed at all! Plus, the room smelled just awful!_   
  
**Lilylocks:** Ugh, no, this won't do at all! This room is filty, and the bed hardly looks worth sleeping in! And it smells just awful in here! *steps out of the room and slams the door shut*   
  
_Shuddering from the ghastly picture the room was, she turns to look at the other two doors. What surprises would she find behind those two? Shrugging, she steps up to the next door beside the one she had just gone in. Opening the door slowly, she steps inside._   
  
**Lilylocks:** Ahhhh!!! It burns.. it buuurrnnss!!! *holds her hands up, shielding her eyes* Nooo... it buuuuurrrnnnssss!!!   
  
_To the un-trained eye, this room might not seem so bad at all.. but in fact, it was just as bad as the first room! Almost worse! The walls and floor were literally white and sparkling from being scrubbed and cleaned so much. The window held not even a speck of dirt.. in fact, the entire room was spotless.. completely spotless. And the bed.. not a wrinkle shown in the spread, which was pure white. Actually, the whole room was white and shiny! And it even _smelled_ clean!_   
  
**Lilylocks:** This room won't do either! It's much, far too clean! Ahhhh!!! Must.... get... away...!!! *rushes out of the room and slams the door*   
  
_Finding that middle room far too clean, Lilylocks walks towards the last door, hoping this room would be fine._   
  
**Lilylocks:** I hope _this_ room will be fine.   
  
_Kicking the door down, she jumps into the room. Assuming a crouched position, her eyes begin darting back and forth rapidly. Turning, she jumps to the side. Tilting her head, the air is sniffed, before she stands upright._   
  
**Lilylocks:** Ooooohhhh... dis room be goot, jes! Veddy goot! Not too clean or too dirty! It's juuuuustttt right! So ish de bed! *bounces onto the bed and falls asleep*   
  
_Lilylocks hadn't been asleep for long, when... the Marauders returned! Dun dun duuuunnnn!!!_   
  
**Moony:** *bounds around in circles* Hey guys, let's go upstairs! You never know what we'll find up there.. *winks*   
  
**Padfoot:** *stares* Why on ruddy earth are you winking?   
  
**Moony:** What? Oh, I wasn't winking. There was something in my eye!   
  
**Padfoot & Prongs:** -_-'   
  
**Moony:** Whaaaattt?!   
  
**Prongs:** Nothing, friend. Now let's go upstairs like you suggested! I have to polish the ceiling again, and wax the floor, and change the clean sheets, and sew a billion more pillowcases and and...   
  
**M & PF:** *groans* Come on, Prongs!   
  
_Finally getting Prongs to stop going over his long list of things to do, the three of them head upstairs and to their own rooms. But when Padfoot gets to his, he finds a big surprise..._   
  
**Padfoot:** Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!   
  
**MO & PR:** *come running* What is it? What, what?!   
  
**Padfoot:** My door was knocked down!   
  
**Moony:** Oh, is that all?   
  
**Padfoot:** Of course not! Look, there's someone sleeping in my bed!   
  
**Prongs:** *overly dramatic gasp* Really?! Well, why didn't they sleep in _my_ bed? It's much cleaner than _yours_...   
  
**Padfoot:** -_-' Shuddup and come look!   
  
_So Moony and Prongs enter Padfoot's room, the one where Lilylocks was sleeping. They managed to go in at the same moment she began waking up._   
  
**Moony:** *howls* Hubba hubba! Who's the foxy lady?   
  
**Lilylocks:** *blinks* Lady? I'm not a lady...   
  
**Prongs:** O_o Moony's hittin' on my woman!   
  
**Padfoot:** *ignores Prongs* You're not?! *pauses* So you're a guy in woman's clothes? Wow, we have so much in common!   
  
**Lilylocks:** O_O I'm not a guy dressed in woman's clothes!   
  
**Padfoot:** Errr, but you said you weren't a lady...   
  
**Lilylocks:** That's cause I'm a _girl_ you dolt!   
  
**Prongs:** I thought the British word for 'idiot' was git, not dolt...   
  
**Lilylocks:** Grrrrr....   
  
**Prongs:** Okay okay! So-rry! Jeeze...   
  
**Padfoot:** *staring at Lily* So you're actually a guy dressed in _girl's_ clothes?   
  
**Lilylocks:** -_- CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY?!!?!?!?!?!   
  
**Moony & Prongs:** AHHHHHH!!! Yes yes!!! Get on with the story!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Ahem... right then...   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
(( I'm sad to say, that's all for now! LoL... Please review :-D I should have the next part up soon, hehe )) 


	2. Try, try again

Wow, people actually liked my story! ^_^ Yayness! *huggles her reviewers*   
  
Larisa- Yeah, I know.. it's my own re-vised version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, lol ^_^ And you'll find out why Wormtail's not here if you read this chapter :-D   
  
Emiko- Why thank you! ^_^   
  
Strawberry- The next chapter? It's right here! :)   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
**Narrator Person:** Hello everyone! I'm baaaaaack! Yes, the writer is very evil and took me out of the second half of last chapter.. *achieves a glare from the author* Erm, did I say evil? I meant... wonderful and... kind? *shudders, before clearing throat* Ahem, anywho... As I was saying... I'm baccckk, and all because the first chapter didn't go as planned... *frowns at Lily, Prongs, Moony, and especially Padfoot*   
  
**Padfoot:** What?! What'd _I_ do?! Why's everyone always blaming _me_, the lovable dog? We should blame Moony! He _is_ a werewolf after all!   
  
**Moony:** *moves away from the window, where he had been howling at the moon* Wha?   
  
**Prongs:** Yeah, I blame this on Moony! He was hittin' on my woman! It's his fault!   
  
**Moony:** Hey! Don't blame this all on _me_! _Padfoot_'s the one who had to go and ask if Lily was a guy! I mean, come on, get real.   
  
**Padfoot:** I asked if she was a guy in _women's clothes_, not just a guy... big difference!   
  
**Moony:** -_-'   
  
**Lilylocks:** Can't we just stop fighting?! I wanna get out of this smelly bed sometime today!   
  
**Padfoot:** She's right, let's stop..... Hey! My bed's not smelly! It doesn't smell!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Yes it is, and does! It smells like dog.   
  
**Padfoot:** O_o That's because I _am_ a dog!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Yeah yeah, excuses excuses...   
  
**Narrator Person:** *yells* WILL YOU ALL PLEASE BE QUIET!   
  
**All:** *goes silent*   
  
**Narrator Person:** Thank you. Now, as I was going to say before being so _rudely_ interrupted... Erm, what was I going to say? *gets handed a script* Oh yes! I remember now. *clears throat* We continue where the previous, _actual_ story left off. Padfoot has just discovered someone sleeping in his bed, Moony and Prongs go to investigate, and Lilylocks wakes up...   
  
**Padfoot:** See see?! There's someone in my bed!   
  
**Moony:** *howls* Hubba hub- *gets elbowed by Prongs, who doesn't really have an elbow at all* Ouch! Erm, I mean... I am werewolf, hear me... howl! *howls again*   
  
**Lilylocks:** O_o Eek! Who... who are you three?!   
  
**Prongs:** Well, I'm glad you asked! We're....   
  
**Moony, Padfoot, & Prongs:** The Three Marauders! Moony*howls*, Padfoot*barks*, and Prongs! *silence*   
  
**Padfoot:** We said... and Prongs! *more silence*   
  
**Moony:** He said... AND PRONGS!   
  
**Prongs:** What?! Stags don't make any real sound, do they?   
  
**Padfoot:** Erm, I guess you're right... Sorry 'bout that!   
  
**Lilylocks:** _You're_ the three Marauders? Wow, I've heard about you! But... I thought there was another one? Where's Wormta- errr... the rat?   
  
**Prongs:** Oh, we sent him to Azkaban. Yeah, he betrays us in the books and we die...   
  
**Lilylocks:** *blinks* Book? What book?   
  
**Prongs:** Erm, nevermind...   
  
**Lilylocks:** *shrugs* Okay then... *pauses* Erm... *whispers* What's my next line?   
  
**Random person from the set:** Just add-lib!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Uhh, okay. *looks back to the others* Ummm... oh yeah, if you three guys are animals, then how are you talking like a people? I mean, a person?   
  
**Padfoot:** What kind of stup- Erm, I mean... We're not _really_ animals, you know. We're actually people, we can _turn into_ animals!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Okay... but that still doesn't answer my question... How can you talk like a people.. a person.. if you're all animals?   
  
**Padfoot:** -_-' Did I not just tell you that we're _not really animals_?   
  
**Lilylocks:** Well yes, but that still doesn't explain how you can...   
  
**Padfoot:** *growls, baring teeth*   
  
**Lilylocks:** O_o Eep... nevermind.   
  
**Prongs:** *is busy reading the script* Hey, it says we have to eat Lilylocks! But... stags don't eat humans!   
  
**Padfoot:** Who said she was a human?   
  
**Lilylocks:** Yeah, who said I was a.... Hey! *glare*   
  
**Moony:** I'll eat her! *licks chops* It's uh, been a while since I've eaten a girl... *evil grin*   
  
**Lilylocks:** O_O   
  
**Prongs:** But Moony, you've _never_ eaten a girl. And earlier you appologized to a squirrel before chowing down on it!   
  
**Moony:** Uhhhh... yeah, so? What's your point?   
  
**Prongs:** My horns.   
  
**Moony:** *blinks* What?   
  
**Prongs:** My horns... they're my point.   
  
**Padfoot:** Uhhh, I hate to burst your bubble, but... those aren't horns.   
  
**Moony:** He's right, they're _not_ horns.   
  
**Prongs:** Oh really? And since when did you two become experts on stags?   
  
**Moony:** Well, you see...   
  
**Prongs:** Uh-uh... There's no use backing out now. Tell me, oh smart ones... If these pointy things on my head aren't horns, then what are they?   
  
**Padfoot:** Antlers...   
  
**Prongs:** *blinks* What?   
  
**Moony:** He said they're antlers.   
  
**Prongs:** *stares* What's an antler?   
  
**Padfoot:** -_- The ruddy pointy things on your head! They're called ANTLERS, not HORNS!   
  
**Prongs:** OHHHH.... _Those_ are _antlers_... I see, said the blind man. Why didn't you say so before?   
  
**Moony & Padfoot:** -_-' We DID!   
  
**Prongs:** Did what?   
  
**Padfoot:** Argh...   
  
**Moony:** We said they were antlers!   
  
**Prongs:** Okay okay, you don't have to shout! I heard you the first time, jeeze...   
  
**Moony:** Why you little...   
  
_Meanwhile, as Moony, Prongs, and Padfoot continued to argue, which would soon lead to a fight if they don't learn to control their tempers, Lilylocks had set about making her escape. Crawling out of the bed, she snuck around the three idio- erm, Marauders, and reached the door. She was about to go through, when the sound of a board creaking alerted the three gits._   
  
**Padfoot:** Hey, she's trying to escape!   
  
**Moony:** Nooo, not my dinner! Get her!   
  
**Prongs:** Sound the antlers! The prisoner is escaping!   
  
**All, except Prongs:** Argh.. -_-'   
  
**Prongs:** What?! Don't you want to catch her?! Oh look, she just ran out the door...   
  
**Moony:** Ack! You ruddy git, you're lettin' my dinner escape!   
  
**Padfoot:** Catch her!   
  
**Lilylocks:** Dinner? O_o This'll teach me to enter spooky-looking houses! Ahhhhh!!!   
  
**Prongs:** I wonder why she doesn't just use her magic on us... She _is_ a witch, after all...   
  
**Lilylocks:** Heeeey... that's not a good idea.. erm, I mean, that's not a _bad_ idea... Why can't I think of anything?   
  
**Padfoot:** Great, she's going to start thinking soon! We gotta catch her before she kills us all!   
  
**Moony:** Yeah, let's get her!   
  
**Prongs:** Erm, guys? How come we're just standing here and yelling, instead of chasing?   
  
**Padfoot:** Uhhh... well... Hey, you know, you've got a point there!   
  
**Prongs:** Yeah, I know, they're called antlers.   
  
**Padfoot:** -_-' Grrrr...   
  
**Moony:** Enough of this! What do we want?!   
  
**Prongs & Padfoot:** The girl!   
  
**Moony:** Who also happens to be a...   
  
**Prongs & Padfoot:** A witch! She's a witch! Let's burn her!   
  
**Moony:** No! Let's EAT her! Mwahahhhaaa!!!   
  
**Prongs & Padfoot:** Yeah, let's eat her! *pauses* Ewww..   
  
**Moony:** Uhhh.. well, I'll eat her, then you can burn her! Mwahhaahhaa!!!   
  
**Prongs:** Yeah! You'll eat her, and then we'll burn you!   
  
**Moony:** O_o What?! No no nooo!!! You're going to burn _her_, not _me_...   
  
**Prongs:** But if you eat her, then she'll be inside of you. And you said we could burn her after you eat her. So we'll have to burn you too.   
  
**Moony:** You know, you've got a poi-   
  
**Padfoot:** Don't say it! _Please_ do _not_ say that word...   
  
**Prongs:** That word.   
  
**Padfoot:** Grrr... If only you weren't my friend, I'd eat you...   
  
**Prongs:** Eep...   
  
**Moony:** *growls* Are we going to get my dinner or what?!   
  
**Prongs & Padfoot:** Yeah! Let's get her!   
  
_So, the three Marauders FINALLY shut their yaps and begin to chase after Lilylocks._   
  
**Lilylocks:** I'm almost free! Ya... O_O Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! *runs for her life*   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
(( Well, that's all of Chapter 2! ^_^ Hope you like it! Please review, please please please... I love reviews :D And yes, this is similar to Goldilocks and the Three Bears.. although I must say, mine's better :-P hehehe.. Oh yes, and keep checking back... the next chapter will be up within the week, hopefully ^_^ lol.. Thanks again for reading! )) 


End file.
